The Sandbox

Amnesia, Art, Healing

3/1/17

6:07AM

Authenticity

A

S, how are things today?

S

Better. Clearing the decks it feels like. The complaint is done. I feel no need to go over it any more. 

It is a powerful experience to put your chronology together and to claim that what happened to you was wrong and was not your fault. 

I feel like I can and want to close that chapter—truly. 

Whether I send the thing off or not I feel ready. 

A

Hard, hard work. Clear, clear lake. 

S

I am training for a race which requires a deep breath and a notch more effort but I am happy for the shift. And I am experimenting more with the clay…how will it look to have white speckles in my black clay? I see each creature is a teacher, each time I reach into a bag of clay, an opportunity to learn something new. 

Molochite flecks in Cassius Clay blanket. 

Molochite flecks in Cassius Clay blanket. 

I am looking forward to meeting with Teresa, to honoring what that connection has done for me. And may continue to do for me. 

A

We have distilled and prepared our complaint. Our mind and body can move on. 

S

I feel like these past weeks have been both packed and rushed. Even my creatures have been rushed, some meeting untimely demises because I’ve not put them together carefully enough, have not waited long enough for them to dry.

But once I completed the complaint, by yesterday I could feel myself moving forward with more freedom, less tension. 

I feel like I have my freaking life back. And I feel very grateful. 

***

Dear Not Gods

Thank you for this moment, for granting me the tenacity and power in writing to continue with this journey, and for giving me a solid person like Teresa to show me that the world is filled with not only devils but some saints too. 

Thank you for giving me the wherewithal to go through the five thousand pages I wrote during a very confusing, painful period of bad therapy, and the thousands l continued to write afterwards that helped me to sort through a mountain of pain. 

Thank you for giving me gifts, for keeping the goods in tact while I lived my life and got to a safe place where I could discover and use them. Thank you for sparing me long ago, and for sparing me more recently too when I was in treatment that threatened my world and my sanity. 

Thank you for forcing me to do what I thought I could never do which was to leave that woman and that therapy. 

I thank you Not Gods for not necessarily the experiences but for helping me to make the most delicious lemonade from the lemons that have rained down from the sky. I drink this lemonade today and raise my glass to you, Not Gods. 

Not Gods, I am grateful to be done with this complaint. 

And to feel like I have claimed my self, my life back once again. 

ALL

Amen.