The Sandbox

Amnesia, Art, Healing

2/18/17

6:18AM

Authenticity

A

S, how goes the world inside? 

S

Jumbled a bit but okay. Trying to decide how I feel about the work I pulled from the kiln yesterday. Trying to decide how to move forward in general. 

A

Go on. 

S

I seem to be making commitments…to Pete…to marry. To the clay, to the 150 pounds I picked up yesterday, a purchase made with a supplier who popped into town and only does so infrequently so I said yes to this clay I like a lot. 

And yes to clay in general I think as I move forward in clearing out and making space for a kiln in the basement. A contractor will come next week to assess what needs to be done. 

A

Go on. 

S

There appears to be space; space in my week for more clay with less therapy now and even less up ahead. Space just in general. This grief and processing has been taking up room and I can feel the room it’s been taking up now more acutely. 

A

Does it hurt to feel the room?

S

Not now it doesn’t. Maybe the weeks and months leading up it has—subconsciously. But now…it feels like I am hitting a place where I still have my practice and place—my Sandbox—but also I am hiking up into new territory too. 

A

What can you see up ahead?

S

I guess there’s a lot of clay. I feel a little wobbly though?

A

Why do you think?

S

I think in the back of my mind…larger? But I don’t know what shape it will take. I just feel like I am learning at a pace of around forty fired pieces a month, what I like, what I don’t like. I am learning with more consciousness about expression I think. I am learning about clays—and glazes—and general aesthetics. I am learning what to look out for, what to remind myself of. 

A

We are…catching up would you say?

S

Yeah, maybe. An artist who wakes up four decades later has a lot to do?

A

Indeed. Is there a place where our fairytale could be of assistance this morning? 

S

I could try.

A

The man in the forest filled with paintings…

S

He’s begun and grown a practice that incorporates painting in the morning but also he spends time in town too. He is more open, more social. No longer dependent upon any wise women in the village to validate his worth. 

A

Go on. 

S

And as he gets his bearings with his new life, his gallery that now has steady visitors that seem to enjoy and understand his work…he begins new considerations as he paints. 

A

Yes?

S

He opens himself up…slowly…in the mornings as he paints. And some mornings he paints not at all, but meditates only on what he will paint. The man in the forest filled with paintings is able to…breathe. 

A

And rest too?

S

I think so, A. He is able to take a break. Able to enjoy the work he has done, the people he is meeting along the way in his journey and his work too, as he feels it changing and growing in ways he does not yet understand but in ways that may no longer be as painful, as blindly grasping as they were before. 

A

The man in the forest filled with paintings seems…happier. 

S

I think so, A? Maybe it’s just this morning. Maybe he will be less happy tomorrow morning. Maybe the fairytale will change and his home or gallery will somehow be threatened.

A

Or maybe not. Maybe he will continue to grow and expand and become everything in this world he could have ever imagined—and things unimagined too. 

S

Thanks, A. 

A

Stay the course. Dreams can come true. 

S

One last thing I need to add because it feels so strange yet so important. And maybe related to what you just said. 

A

Yes?

S

For some reason yesterday morning I googled these three words: Eileen Bad Therapy

And The Sandbox came up #1 on search results. 

And my heart skipped a beat. 

Of all the billions of searches and results I land here. 

On top. 

On top of the oddest little mountain. 

A teeny tiny obscure combination of words in cyberspace that I kind of own. 

Eileen. Bad. Therapy. 

Mine. 

A

A sign of things to come, of where ultimately our healing takes us. 

 

Mid Fire Freckle Clay (just bought 100 pounds!) and porcelain hair. 

Mid Fire Freckle Clay (just bought 100 pounds!) and porcelain hair.