The Sandbox

Amnesia, Art, Healing

February 20, 2017- March 25, 2017

These entries were originally part of This Is Me Now but have become packaged into this section that captures the February-March time period of my meditation. A part of the meditation that I see now has me packaging up and mostly moving on from the bad therapy vis-a-vis a complaint that I am finally able to write. I also begin to shift in what I want to do with my therapy...will I eventually leave it behind in search of something else...or not. 

2/20/17

S

It feels scary, this toe I dip into new waters. But I’m going to try. Healing requires a huge, concentrated effort. In many ways it’s very womb-like. The energy of it holds you. I think this is why it may be so seductive for some people; those who choose to go into it professionally—remain there as long as possible. 

But I see myself at least trying to climb a mountain inclusive of healing but not exclusive of other things. 

Wombs can be wonderful; but they can also be suffocating and myopic too. 

A

Yes. 

(To read the entire entry click here.

***

2/21/17

S

As I consider getting my own kiln, all of a sudden I wonder where I will get my support. The studio I’ve been with fades into the distance. The therapist I’ve been with too, fades into the distance. 

What will…happen? 

Where will I go?

A

One day at a time, S. Let’s allow these considerations to float in and out, allow them to form a path that takes us where we need to be.

(To read the entire entry click here.) 

***

2/22/17

Of all things…the complaint. Haunted by it. 

Still. 

Yesterday I just kept thinking…

…you should say something….

…it’s not right what happened…

(To read the entire entry click here.)

***

2/23/17

A

How does it feel to have hoisted the complaint up and out onto the website?

S

Unpredictably I feel these two extremes: what it might feel like to go through the process and then, on the other side of it, this visualizing of me hiking up a mountain, alone, the episode behind me—not erased but far behind me. 

I see new territory. But I can feel old business too. 

I am feeling…both. 

(To read the entire entry click here.) 

***

2/25/17

I remember creating Better Now years ago. Thinking the day I created it, I would reach it by week’s end. But I think honestly I landed in Better Now around the time I began to draft the complaint. I was getting shot out of the rabbit hole into a new state of much greater clarity. 

And now it’s more of not exactly a formality but I think I’ve got the most important piece which is my health. 

What I do about the experience I had, the journey I’ve been on to get to Better Now is…still important. 

But in a different kind of way. 

(To read the entire entry click here.) 

***

A

How goes the meditation?

S

On?

A

On the complaint. 

S

I want to drop it. 

A

Why?

S

The pendulum is swinging towards love. And bigger things. 

(To read the entire entry click here.) 

***

3/1/17

I thank you Not Gods for not necessarily the experiences but for helping me to make the most delicious lemonade from the lemons that have rained down from the sky these past few years. I drink this lemonade today and raise my glass to you, Not Gods. 

Not Gods, I am grateful to be done with this complaint. 

(To read the entire entry click here.) 

***

3/5/17

 

S

Is the complaint a distraction from bigger things? Harder things? 

B

Not necessarily. It is work to be done that we’re doing. And when that work is done, there will be different work, a different landscape to explore.

S

Is it always hard? It feels mostly hard. 

B

Life is hard—and life is grand too—if you live it with an open heart. 

(To read the entire entry click here.) 

***

3/7/17

My growing up was a complicated, mixed bag. But the lines are harder to draw here. It’s my family. And there is time and forgiveness and acceptance and love in the mix. 

As I travel these mornings I see better the difference between bad therapy and a painful childhood. 

(To read the entire entry click here.) 

***

3/15/17

A

We do not have to leave any modality in the dust if we benefit from it. 

S

Truth. 

A

Gift yourself whenever possible. Whatever feels right. Whatever feels good. 

(To read the entire entry click here.)

***

3/24/17

I did not expect anything when we got off the subway in Kyoto to go to the contemporary art museum. I just figured we should drag ourselves to see some art—what you’re supposed to do when you travel. But…here you go. 

(To read the entire entry click here.)