The Sandbox

Amnesia, Art, Healing

1/5/17

6:21AM

Authenticity

I’ve been out of the habit of therapy for a month or more. Not many sessions between my time away and Teresa’s. The momentum, is now swinging in “my direction” meaning away from therapy. But…it’s one thing to daydream and consider the shift and another to be actually doing it. 

I don’t relish the pain of it. 

But I do get whiffs of something bigger out there for me. 

I just don’t know what, exactly. 

MLG
We’ve been moving towards Towards a lot lately. 

S

Truth, Monkey. 

MLG

Towards Towards last month was our website. 

S

And towards Towards now? 

MLG

Daylight. 

S

Getting seen is hard work. This I realize. But what’s harder is getting to a place where you’re ready for it.

A

We work on our work. 

S

Yes. Just like art. Most of the focus needs to be on the work. 

A

Where is the Process section?

S

After saying yesterday I didn’t need it, I drafted it and put it up. It’s long and needs some cleaning up. 

MLG
Long is the beginning of short. 

S

Yeah, you need something to work with. 

A

How do you feel about going back to therapy today?

S

I feel fine. Looking forward to some insights perhaps. What’s new is that I suggested to Teresa that she catch up on things by reading the This Is Me Now section. 

How…different it will be—maybe—to talk with her given that she’s seen everything versus me going in and reading or trying to remember the meditation. 

A

We begin the new year…differently. 

S

Definitely. 

MLG

Can I see what our new year last year looked like?

S

For sure. 

MLG

Sandbox Volume Thirteen (SBV13) 12/20/15-1/13/16. Only 91 pages and 25 days. 

S

I see I was deep into the editing process. I was editing the volumes where I began to leave Eileen, volumes eight, nine and ten I believe. 

Also peppered in there were thoughts of leaving therapy with Teresa but not as perhaps forcefully as I feel now. 

I was still deep, though not really conscious of it, of the phase now call in my process section Understanding. 

Flow, Understanding, Daylighting. 

I was deep into the Understanding phase. 

I think all three happen all the time—in recovery—in life if you let them—but I think one or the other is likely more dominant depending upon the work you’re doing. 

A

Eileen encouraged flow. But flow without understanding can lead to madness. Teresa helps with understanding. But understanding without surfacing can lead to depression. 

S

And daylighting we do on our own. This is not something a therapist can really assist with. 

MLG

What leads to joy?

S

I think it’s all three coming together. 

MLG

Flow, Understanding and Daylighting

A trifecta, a dance

We work with all three

In our morning Sandbox trance

A

How does this trifecta feel? This frame? 

S

It feels right…inclusive…it holds me. 

A

A good frame for our Process section?

S

Yes…I can test it to see if it holds everything in there now.