The Sandbox

Amnesia, Art, Healing

2/20/17

6:23AM

Authenticity

A few things…

I felt buoyed yesterday as I posted my gorgeous Joan Mitchell photos. And I imagined people were visiting the site like they would a gallery, seeing these beautiful colors. I checked my logs and saw that I did have visitors. And I felt validated.  I felt that I make sense.

That I make more than just sense. 

A

What else?

S

Well then as a counterpoint to feeling great I woke in the middle of the night semi berating myself; saying I never seem to quite end. It felt like yesterday was this coda of sorts. But here I go again. Up and ‘atem.

A

This is life. Life doesn’t end like a book if you are living it. Especially Monday morning which offers up the near opposite of an ending. 

S

True. I choose to keep the Sandbox an ongoing concern; most of the time this is good. And feels right. But maybe I’m grasping for a way of staying in and loving my practice, a place where I can, if I wish to, connect any of my past and past material to my present. 

But I am also trying to feel my way up into new territory too. 

A

Integration means we do not leave self behind. 

S

But is there a way to feel lighter without shedding it all?

MLG

Heavy with everything is the beginning of lighter with less of absolutely everything. 

S

I need to clear space. But not leave everything behind. 

A

If we were to take what lives currently in the This Is Me Now section and call it something…else what could work?

S

I could do a simple thing and just date it. Or seasons, which it feels like. Like

A

How does it feel?

S

It feels like a Monday. The beginning. Stale and uncomfortable. But I need to clear space for new work, new feelings, new beginnings. 

A

What shall the previous work be called?

S

I decided to just bracket it in seasons. Like winter to spring.  Like an artist would simply date the period of time work covers in a gallery room. There was so much I don’t want to label it yet as just one thing. 

A

Okay. 

S

And I suppose, today, Monday, this entry, will go into the cleared out gallery. The piece that hangs alone, the one that waits for the other days to join. 

A

There will be others. 

S

This new work or direction is not just about healing, A. It’s about living. Sure, I get spiked at times with healing work—and with the bad therapy too. But I want this to be also about horizons that go beyond. 

A

Yes?

S

It feels scary, this toe I dip into new waters. But I’m going to try. Healing requires a huge, concentrated effort. In many ways it’s very womb-like. The energy of it holds you. I think this is why it may be so seductive for some people; those who choose to go into it professionally—remain there as long as possible. 

But I see myself at least trying to climb a mountain inclusive of healing but not exclusive of other things. 

Wombs can be wonderful; but they can also be suffocating and myopic too. 

A

Yes. 

S

So…my goal is to have my Sandbox, in some respects, a womb-like place in mind and heart for me to go to. While at the same time, I have my Sandbox serve to help me live a life inclusive of“healing” but not to the deficit of living my life, of forging new pathways. 

A

Yes. 

S

Maybe it takes the form of art, of shaping clay differently, of new clays. Of work and what I do for a living. Of my relationships. 

I only know to declare the feeling inside I have; that this is, indeed, technically a Monday. 

But it feels like a Monday of the soul; a new week, a very new place in my climb. New terrain. 

With the old terrain that surrounds me too. 

A

Yes. 

MLG

We are old. 

And we are new.

We climb our mountain.

That’s old and new too. 

S

Thanks Monkey, 

MLG

Sure.