I swung again. From filing. To not filing.
To back to filing.
Is this unwise?
This is not an easy decision nor is it a pleasant one. File and we fear the unknown, fear that we will live with an uncomfortable background noise in our life for years, fear running into Eileen, fear that we will feel guilty.
At times we fear that our complaint has no merit. We are haunted by Eileen’s minimizing phrase that we are “making mountains out of molehills.”
We fear the loss of Eileen’s love and in its place hatred and her anger towards us.
Don’t file and we fear we’ll never put this behind us, that we have chosen a path of silence which feels deeply wrong to us. Don't file and we fear waking up for years like we have been, reeling and churning, a victim of a hit and run accident.
Don’t file and we go against everything we’ve been working towards.
Silence is like clothing that no longer suits us or fits right. Clothing we can no longer tolerate wearing.
We move towards Towards. Which now means we start opening our mouth.