The Sandbox

Amnesia, Art, Healing

3/15/17

7:09AM

Authenticity

A

What feels good. What feels right. 

S

Second to last training run. I woke feeling intimidated by it. That doesn’t feel great. 

A

What feels good. What feels right. 

S

I was able to resolve somewhat in the clay yesterday. I missed something in a larger piece and instead of banging on it, trying to puzzle it, I realized that I’d missed the opportunity for greater expression and that I wasn’t going to be getting that back—other than to begin something entirely new—with the focus on expression. I needed to consciously pursue with a new piece, using a smaller piece for modeling/inspiration. I asked myself to not move forward, to not settle, until I’d come up with a degree of expression that suited. 

 

                                         

                                         

A

And?

S

I succeeded. 

A

The lesson being?

S

To perhaps recognize that something is a stepping stone and allow for it versus trying to turn what is a stepping stone into something other. I am trying to see if I can scale things larger while retaining expression and intimacy. It, like everything else, takes practice. 

I was frustrated with my previous piece until I moved on. And had success this way. 

A

Sometimes moving on is the best strategy. 

S

Truth. 

A

How do things feel inside these days?

S

I feel sad and scared a decent amount of the time. But I also feel like these emotions aren’t going to be resolved by talking with a therapist. I was both damaged and healed by therapy and now, therapy is like the piece I see as a stepping stone. The piece I move away from and one I’ve learned from. 

A

Sometimes moving on is the best strategy. 

S

I feel like this year has been a slow termination. A healthy one. I’ve also been letting go of Eileen, not completely, I have some rough moments, but it’s better now. The fires have calmed considerably. 

A

We do not envision an episode like we had last Christmas?

S

Not really. Maybe writing the complaint was the last real piece of work I had to do. 

A

What scares you?

S

Marrying Peter. 

A

Why?

S

Till death do us part. The death part. His. Or mine. Scares the daylight out of me. I don’t want to think or type about it. 

A

Is it something to work on in therapy?

S

I thought I was terminating. 

A

Before termination. Or as part of it. 

S

I guess. 

A

We do not have to leave any modality in the dust if we benefit from it. 

S

Truth. 

A

Gift yourself whenever possible. Whatever feels right. Whatever feels good.